5-10-01

A.) (My response) Que?

Q.) (Second e-mail from John Doe) Are you normal?!?!??!?! What part of I Don't Want Your Email is not in your native language?!?!?!?!?

A.) (MY response) There is no escape -- I have taken over your mind and your computer. That little voice in your head that constantly screams, "RESPECT MY AUTHORITI" -- that's me. My one fear is that you will find the unsubscribe link in the footer of the e-mail and we will be separated. I don't want to live without you...(I have received no further e-mails from John Doe)

See kiddies...Spamming can be fun!

As for my sons question about why men have nipples -- I received several funny and ingenious responses...none of which my son bought, even for a moment.

Got a question or comment, drop me a line at: racox@officetex.com

If you're wondering what the heck is going on here, you can check out past installments of my newsletter at: http://www.racox.com/photo.htm

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Well it was back to the salt mines this week. Vacation's over -- those damn things are never long enough. And there I am, sitting around, trying to figure what the hell I'm gonna put in this weeks newsletter. My options are limited; I refuse to touch politics here (the fan mail above would be nothing compared to what I would get if I told you folks my politics) and I don't have an exciting day job to talk about -- In fact, everything about my life is pretty middle class and boring for the most part. I'm stumped.

Life in the slow lane, BFE style...

Then a news story about Robert Blake flashes on TV. Eureka -- celebrity wife killer -- nothing like pseudo-celebrity criminals to focus my attention. Problem solved, I now have my weekly newsletter. But still I'm sitting there staring slack jawed at the TV, trying desperately to remember who the hell Robert Blake is?

"Now that's a bitch," I think as I watch the story unfold. "The guy from Fantasy Island snuffed his wife -- far out."

Then the drone on the news clue's me in -- It's Beretta!

My God, this IS big news.

Forget the Middle East and Serbia, a B list celebrity that looked like an Bronx bantam rooster in a trench coat popped his wife behind a restaurant -- time for CNN to break out some round the clock coverage here damnit!

Made me wonder if he has a Bronco and some big baby Huey friend that will try to smuggle him across the Mexican border. One can only hope...

So now I'm thinking of the possibilities here -- Maybe he could hire William Shatner as his spokesman. (If he's back from his Priceline vacation with his new girlfriend that is). How about O.J. as his bodyguard, can't you just see him outside the courtroom pushing reporters away during the perp walk (Oop's, I forgot, O.J. is practically disabled...FOUR!!!!). Of course he could get Robert Downey Jr. as his personal assistant (no one can line up a party better than RDJ). Hey, what about Darrell Strawberry as his Para-legal (sage advise on staging your own SUV caravan / kidnapping). The possibilities are as endless as B list celebrities.

Thank God for glamorous Hollywood, they are our role-models, our hero's, and the people that remind us we're really not that screwed up after all...

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I think the Cox family kid quote of the week column is going to Rhoan's head. I asked him what he had for me this week? He told me to call his people and we'd do lunch...

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One more week till I send out the first installment of "The Sword of God". Forward it at will, and you too can get fan mail from people like John Doe.

Until next week, don't let any celebrities corner you in a dark alley,

R.A.

"It's like I've got the barrel of a shotgun in my mouth, and I like the taste of gunmetal." Robert Downey Jr.

R.A Does Hollywood