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Tornados, Owls, and Hooters

June first in the year of our Lord, 2001

 

Greetings from BFE...

 

    Forward this e-mail or I'm sending out self-nudie pics with the next rant...yes that is a threat!

 

    Old business:

 

   E-mail regarding the last newsletter.

 

    Q.)  Are you serious about this?

 

    A.)  Hell yeah...what would give you the idea I wasn't?

 

    Q.)  Why do you insist on making fun of people?

 

    A.)  Could be worse, I could be making fun of you...

 

Got a question or comment, drop me a line at:  racox@officetex.com

 

Wondering what you've missed?  Check out previous installments of my newsletter at:  http://www.racox.com/photo.htm

 

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    Sorry this is late, I was planning a rant about living in BFE vs. living in town, and I was trying to think of the things I love about living in the country  --  then an F3 tornado came within a couple of miles of my house and I lost my concentration.

 

    Hey, it's a better excuse than the dog ate it...

 

    What is so great about BFE anyway?

 

    The people?   They are salt of the Earth type folk out here in BFE, real eyelets in the Bible belt I tell ya.  There's our closest neighbors who have the farm across the road and are nice enough to share their herbicide with us everytime they spray their fields -- the apple tree's really needed to go anyhow.  There's our phone guy, who is nice enough to stop by and check our phone service everytime my wife decides to sunbathe in the back yard -- I've noticed the phone goes out alot around these parts?  There's the former owner of the place where we now live -- the government foreclosed on him four years ago, but he still drives by every now and then just to check on our welfare -- the unexplained fires have even stopped now.

 

    There are other great things about living in BFE -- I've brought up the convenience of being able to pee anywhere and at anytime I want before, and I wouldn't bring it up again except that...well that's just a really big plus for me.  There's the privacy -- at least there will be when we figure out where the phone guy has his telescope set up.  There's the wide variety of weather -- which is fine as long as we never live in a trailer house again.  There's the quiet communing with nature -- owls big enough to eat cats and chiuauauaauas (no really, that's a plus), mosquitoes big enough to stand flat footed an analy rape a turkey, coyotes that yap at all hours of the night.  There's the skunk that periodically takes up residence in the crawl space under our house -- him and the owls must have a truce of somekind.  I can go outside naked if I want or need too -- that would certainly throw the phone guy off and chase the coyotes away...however I worry about the owls.

 

    But seriously, I wouldn't have it any other way.  Now I have to cut this short -- I need to prepare my emergency provisions, first aid kit, and camping gear to go into town to rent movies and pick up some Dairy Queen for supper.  Be back next week...

 

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    The Cox family kid quote of the week comes from Rhoan -- again.  We were loading the kids up to go out to the ranch the other day, and I was communing with nature (peeing in the tall grass) as I'm apt to do, when Rhoan looks over at me and says, "Daddy, I have a fatter hooter than you!"

 

    It was cold that evening...I swear.  I wouldn't have included this in the newsletter at all except that my wife would have told you anyhow...she's told everyone else.

 

+++

 

    Some good news to report, my short story "Mysterious Ways" has made it as a finalist in the Panhandle Professional Writers Contest.  I let you know how it goes after the awards banquet at the Frontiers in Writing Conference next weekend.  You can read "Mysterious Ways" here:  http://www.horrorauthors.net/gallows/cuttingedge/mysterious.htm

 

    I've been getting some very good responses on The Sword of God, but I'm also hearing from people have missed installments or are getting a certain amount of html gobbelty gook in their e-mail.  You don't have to miss a thing, the Installments are posted at:  http://www.racox.com/excerpts.htm

 

    Until next week, don't let the owls get your chiuauauauaua...

 

    R.A.

 

"Size doesn't matter..." ~ Anonymous